20 minutes later, thanks to Guinness and tequila, ‘just one’ at the Deli suddenly feels like the polite thing to do. Within minutes of walking in, a familiar round of greetings takes place.

Alex, the charming Croatian owner, is just back from a trip to Champagne producer, Charles Heidsieck. Frankie, the endearing Sicilian sommelier, is glowing post-honeymoon. And Lizzie, one of the rare women on staff payroll, gets a hug and a customary ‘still surviving the boys?’ The ‘reserved’ sign outside on table 11 quietly disappears, and I take my usual spot. I hope they never gentrify enough to do away with the raggedy tables and semi-collapsing tent. A playlist akin to something heard in a cooler friend’s living room hums in the background. The place is purring.

I scan the room and have to admit - my American friend was right. There’s not a lot of body fat in this part of town. I break the crowd down into three types: urban Brits who are fantastically clueless about today’s youth’s property ladder struggles; beautiful, nondescript internationals displaying higher-than-average levels of vitamin D; and a few of the old-school ‘Faces of the Cow’ - legends from a different Golborne era who look like they have stories to tell. Laughing, joking, just...existing.

Hmm. What to start with? Would it be sacrilege to kick things off with a beer? Before I can decide, a chilled Croatian number lands on my table. ‘Don’t overthink this one - it’s a crushable two-bottle BBQ vino’, I’m told. One sip and I am easily sold. Anything from a lesser wine region must be seriously worthy to stand alongside the more typical, classical lineup of juices on offer. A dangerously good start.

Next. A delicate voting-age Burgundy - shared wordlessly by the Richard Gere doppelgänger seated on my left. Before too long, the American-Brazilian couple from the literal flat upstairs insist I try their naughty Georgian number. Between pours, we get into a passionate back and forth about a second site due to open around the corner in spring 2026 – united in hoping it won’t mess with the magic here. Is it a bad thing that I’ve spoken more with them than most of my friends in the last six months? Fellow initiates. All in on the unspoken Golborne ways.

I do the maths while still lucid - three glasses down and I haven’t spent a penny. I’d better order a bottle of something nice. Meanwhile…I turn my attention to food. It’s a decision between the off-menu poussin and the anchovy toast, which always comes with an extra dish of cold butter - a loyalty reward for my hours logged.

Mid-menu deliberation, I’m intercepted: ‘Hey Fred, we’ve got an Australian winemaker in - fancy joining the tasting at the back?’ Walking into the shop, I chuckle at the performative spittoon in the middle of the table. Isn’t it illegal to spit when it’s dark outside? The night rolls on, as they usually do here. Needless to say, I never did get that quiet night in.

I’ll share the others soon.

Muchos Gracias x x 

THE BRIEF:

You've been invited to Sunday lunch - it's an exciting one. The host knows what they're doing - not quite trialling their  MasterChef semi-finalist menu, but legit enough that you don't need any calories beforehand. Food will be served on time and effort will be made. They're a Francis Mallmann disciple, so expect the Big Green Egg or new Weber grill to  definitely be on the cards. Almost a month ago, you were added to the "Sunday Lunch Deets" WhatsApp group that has now upped comms to thrice daily exchanges. The actual menu has not been revealed, but the host refers to the local butcher and fishmonger by their first names. Fuck yeah.

THE CAVEAT:

You don't know the other six guests and you've been told to "bring something to drink." Luckily, no one is teetotal, and everyone enjoys a glass of vino (cman!!). The host is definitely into it, however, you're unsure about the group's general level of culinary interest and sophistication. You’ve been in situations before where the crowd ain’t on the same page so you know you need to just that lil bit mindful. 

GOALS:

Don't come across as an alcohol snob.. there's nothing more painfully dull than discussing wine minutiae with a non-vino audience. Yes, 2005 Bordeaux was delicious Fred, but remember that 99% of people don’t care about the intricacies of late flowering in the Right Bank vs Left Bank can change the vibes of your juice.. The objective is to bring something tasty that you’ll share it with others. Assume you'll get three glasses (max!) of what you brought, and the rest will go to the random crowd. 

So, we're looking for something affordable and crowd-pleasing that will be opened early in the evening.. A ‘BBQ wine’ with recognisable enough grapes so your new pals can nod knowingly as they quaff (never any indigenous varietals plz).. And please note it is YOUR wine so can do whatever you like with it, if you wanna stick ice in it plz go ahead, down it from a pint glass, sip it from a Samba - there shall be no judgement here. 

DISCLAIMER:

I love wine, but I'm not into memorising soil compositions or weather characteristics of old vintages. If I were to use a football analogy re wine, I’d say I'm like a proper fan who knows the squad of the team he supports inside and out - attends every home game (obvs) and makes it to a fair share of local and European away matches.

But beware - there is a level of fan (think England-San Marino travelling fan) a la wine expert cut above (I can already hear them getting angry reading this v article)… But I can say I’ve never been wrong is in conveying the pleasure that I get from a good bottle of wine - taste for me is key. 

I def appreciate the classics (Barca, Real Madrid, Manchester United etc.) with their rich histories and traditions. But I also enjoy the new youngsters - the Wrexhams of the wine world, with big ambitions. The non suit-wearing, more natural wines brought to life by cooler, younger - and above all, sexy - winemakers. 

WHERE TO PURCHASE:

Supermarket wines? Especially those from the Sainsbury tier and below (apologies to their wine buyers and English reps) are like the fast food of the wine world. Consistent, yes - but also typically mass-produced, soulless and deserving of a red card for making some people think they might not actually like juice. These wines are essentially fermented grape drink - churned out with the precision and predictability of a factory assembly line. To this, we say ‘Non, merci’. 

This contrasts starkly with even the cheapest bottle from ya local caring wine shop.. It’s a diff category altogether which we are blessed to have available to us. Remember most of these small producers don't have the marketing budgets or consistent output to compete vs the big boys. They're too busy in the vineyard worrying about their grapes to attend. So, number one: build a relationship with Stevie/Craigy/Vanessa, the wine lads or ladettes at the vino shop. And whatever you buy, have a story ready for when Claire asks what you're drinking. Saying "it's from an all-female winery in the south of Corsica" is infinitely more flexy than admitting it was the cheapest bottle they had. 

SIZE MATTERS (SORRY LADS)

If you bring something in a magnum, they'll like you twice as much - double magnum four times as much.. Salmanazar 6 times as much Nebuchadnezzar 15 times as much etc.

What I’d Bring: Red Wines for Any Dinner Party

I've described each wine in three words and thrown in a celebrity comparison for fun because yolo!

NOTE: If you’re looking for detailed deep dives into the grapes, regions, and wine history, there are plenty of great wine writers out there who can help (beyond the scope of this humble guide). But if you’re me, this is what I’d bring.

1. Beaujolais, France

Dark horse, Underdog, Crowd Pleasing

2. Nerello Mascalese, Italy

Complex, Fiery, Mysterious

3. Cotes du Rhone, France

Value, Adaptable, Spicy

4.Langhe Nebbiolo

Youthful, Honest, Lively

5. Tourigal National

Rich, Bold, Shapeshifting

6.Xinomavro: Light, Trending, Rising star

You’re welcome

Freddie xxx

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My answer is different. I host dinner parties for me to have as much fun as possible in a setting where I can invite anyone I want with the hope that they go away thinking… "Damn, I am jealous because that person cooks sexy food and is an even sexier host." But as I have grown older and wiser, the unicorn place to be is getting them to leave thinking ‘well, that was an absolute touch’ while in reality, you have done the absolute bare minimum where effort, prep, and execution are concerned.

However, let’s be clear. Hosting a dinner party is a high-risk endeavour. A good one might get you a few brownie points, yes fine, but a bad one? The anecdotes have the potential to live on forever - Will is now known simply as “Post-Midnight” for bringing his rabbit cassoulet to the table well into the early hours of the morning, whilst poor old Georgie is known as “Vegetable Mush” or “Mushy” (which I think is very mean and obviously very wrong..) 

 The Hosting Timeline

Remember your first proper dinner party? Think back to 17 or 18-year-old you, or maybe it was second-year of uni. The time has come to play adult - but prior to any form of cooking intuition or basic kitchen nous. Tortellini cooked in kettle was the height of culinary sophistication.

For me, it was trying some fancy Ottolenghi lamb chop recipe..Off I went to buy the obscure ingredients which were listed ESSENTIAL: pomegranate molasses, sumac, cumin, za'atar…before religiously following the recipe to an absolute T: "Urgh, I can't make this.. Waitrose doesn’t not have any Urfa Biber..." 

Or perhaps you were the other all-too-common ambitious first-timer who decided to make pasta from scratch (why, oh why?)..Cue three hours of YouTube tutorials, wasting money on a pasta machine (still in the box to this day) and the reward for all this hard labour? A gloopy doughy mess.. Being real, the nice driedpasta with in that blue packing would def have been better for your Bolognese.

I still have slight PTSD from a time when I tried to impress a girl and make Eggs Benedict - this would not be recommended if you have: 

• Never tried poached an egg

• Never tried making hollandaise sauce

The net net of all of this fun and games results in every utensil and pan in sight now filthy, the kitchen looking like a crime scene and poor old you in a heightened state of stress. When the food finally arrives, people begin to feel genuinely sorry for you, and what ends up being served is beautifully average. Back to the drawing board.

The Lazy Impressive Dinner Party Guide 101s - Part 1

So, I present part 1 of the Lazy Impressive Dinner Party Guide. For savvy readers well-versed in food media, you’ll see this draws heavily from the likes of Diana Henry, Nigel Slater, and reads like a more opinionated second cousin of the queen that is Nigella.

Remember, I'm a home cook—no need to reinvent the wheel.

1. Large Ice Bucket in Visual Sight on arrival: Invest in something a bit showstopping. Much like a sofa, if you think of cost per use, it averages out to 20p per outing. Something a bit naff, branded and distracting is usually fun, a la Wayne Lineker Veuve vibe. Have this ready, and your guests will immediately think, "Oof, we’re in for something fun here."

2. Timing Over Food: 99% of people are there for the company and booze —not for what you’re knocking up in the kitchen. If you are cooking en place, make sure it’s one, max two dishes for those more confident.

3. No Frying Ever: Save tasty fried stuff for restaurant kitchens with proper deep fryers. Cooking in a shallow pan at home requires many batches and lots of effort with little flavour reward. It puts rule two at high risk, is smelly, and discarding used oil is a hassle. No, no, no.

4. Underpromise Big Time to Overdeliver: No matter how good your cooking ability, it’s ALWAYS a casual affair.

5. Max Six People: More than six is a party, not a dinner party. 

6. Be positive about the food served (within reason): Important, regardless of how you think the dish turns out -be positive. Remember most people ain’t too bothered (rule 2) so confidence/artful bluffing is key. Always give credit to the recipe rather than claiming it as your own masterpiece, par example: “don’t mean to blow my own trumpet but wow I am really pleased with how that turned out”, “lordy I did not know a caponata could taste even better than the £30 quid one I had - blooming heck what a recipe that is”  

7. Snacks on Arrival: Essential. Crisps, olives, nuts—low effort and pre-done. For a little je ne sais quoi, stick anything from the deli (mayo prawns, grilled Spanish peppers) in those nice little Swedish canapé vessels.

8. 80/20 Rule: 80% of the meal should be tried and tested, easy stuff – with a 20% surprise element to get guests talking. For example, serve a simple lemon and garlic roast chicken with homemade salsa verde, then surprise everyone with a cheeky walk to Five Guys for a large portion of fries. OR when making a shepherd's pie, use a piping bag for the mashed potatoes when layering it. It's such a simple touch but the texts you get the next day will be epic: "THE BEST DAY EVER."

9. DIY Elements: Adding interactive elements is always fun. Example: let guests make their own steak tartare with pre-prepared ingredients like finely chopped beef, capers, chopped cornichons, shallots, Dijon mustard, Worcestershire sauce, and other condiments. This can be done with cocktail garnishes e.g G&T etc. 

10. Chef Tips: Have one cheffy trick up your sleeve that you can nonchalantly show off in the midst of cooking. For example, when using a chopping board, casually wet your tea towel in a slightly exhibitionist way and explain how it stops the board from slipping. V simple but people will nod your head thinking this guy gets it. I’m not bragging but I can also crack an egg with one hand. And the crowd goes wild.

you’re welcome xxx

Freddie

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The Cow - One of the best - absolute belter of a place, has a real "ooh, this is what Notting Hill felt like back in the day" vibe. Really interesting regulars. Don’t expect good service. Order Guinness and the seafood stew.. proper institution. Also good for weekend mild party.. 89 Westbourne Park Road, London W2 5QH

Don’t just take me word for it - surely ‘The London Date Guru’ must know a thing or two?!

The Waterman Arms, Barnes - The ex-head chef of Camberwell Arms has opened up this beautiful place on the river. Genuinely superb river café-esque pub menu. Was blown away by how good it was - still finding its feet service-wise when I went, so just get there early and you will have a fab time. 375 Lonsdale Road, Barnes, London SW13 9PY

Parakeet - Ex-Brat chef's pub in Kentish Town focuses on live-fire grilling (shock!) think littles touch of refined culinary magic to the local pub scene.. 256 Kentish Town Road, London NW5 2AA

The Devonshire - If you haven't heard of this, you really shouldn't be following this page…. rumoured to sell the most Guiness in the world.. yes big hype but so so good. 17 Denman St, London W1D 7HW

A handwritten menu from the Devonshire signed by a very special guest

Camberwell Arms - Pub owned by Frank Boxer. No foams, good simple classic food. Impossible to get a table but think this is proper epic especially the nibbly bits & sharers. 65 Camberwell Church Street, Camberwell, London SE5 8TR

Canton Arms, Stockwell - Probs fave pub in London, owned by the lads who have Anchor & Hope (I think). Any place that serves a lamb shoulder for MINIMUM FIVE people is the type of place I want to visit. 177 South Lambeth Road, Stockwell, London SW8 1XP

Up there with the greatest thing written on any menu I have seen

The Plimsol - Four Legs at The Compton Arms opened a pub. Reckon this is a solid winner for vibes.. ORDER the cheeseburger & whatever raw fish they have on the menu. Tim Hayward wrote beautifully about the Plimsoll in the FT recently, I agree with practically ever word written. 52 St Thomas's Rd, Finsbury Park, London N4 2QQ

Sharing my appreciation with the four legs lads

The Eagle, Farringdon - I believe it was the first London gastropub…. think chilled out atmos with Mediterranean with an ever changing.. .blackboard menu, well known its steak sandwich, the swordfish is always banging.. beware you order at the bar so make sure your guest is chill. 159 Farringdon Road, London EC1R 3AL

Grand merci,
Liebe Grüße,
Cordialement,
Obrigado,
Hasta luego,

Freddie x

LAST UPDATE: JULY 2024

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Taking a selfie with Katie Exton and the only bottle of wine I have ever successfully blind tasted

Golborne Deli - I am v hesitant to put this on the list as it is my absolutely favourite place to drink wine and I want to keep it a secret. On Golborne road, run by a lovely french guy - ask for the Aussie somm who is ex loads of fancy restaurants. One of Notting Hill's best kept secrets.. cracking vino list at sensible prices, pate/charcuterie and cheese. Really really q something. 100 Golborne Rd, London W10 5PS, UK

Dem golborne Oysters.

Lorne - there is a reason why Jancis Robinson said this was one of her fave places to drink in London. Katie Exton ex Chez Bruce, River Cafe's wine led neighbourhood bistro. A fab FOH team make you feel special with an amazing mixture of wino... refined food with an excellent excellent excellent wine list (that is v reasonably priced).

Lorne being Lorne

Oswald's - it's a members club, but if you are fortunate enough to know someone accept there offer. The best value wine list London and the best/most consistent loyal front of house team I've seen. You feel like you are the starring cast of an epic place. 5 Albemarle St, London W1S 4HU, UK

Cafe Kick - another one hestitant to put in... def one of my fave place to drink in London. Run by Garath and his entourage of incredibly fun staff. Jamon, mahou a few oysters with the foodball on.. Cmon. Call ahead and ask if they have any top bin wines on the top shelf... a uniquely amazing place. 43 Exmouth Market, London EC1R 4QL

In the belly of a Cafe Kick sesh

Quality Wines - Nick Brahman's food is world class. Go go go. A flavour combination wizard... elevated simplicity - you'll recognise the dish but it will be tastier than anyone that you have had. If they have filling in bread order it: “If Sandwich was a country, Nick Bramham would be running it”. 88 Farringdon Rd, London EC1R 3EA

Noble Rot - all the sites are great but I really like the new site in Mayfair. Cracking wine list and great hospitality first place. 5 Trebeck St, London W1J 7LT, UK

Any restaurant who publishes articles like this is well worth a visit - snaps for Noble Rot!

Andrew Edmunds - cracking quality value vino list, solid 8/10 food - fun young crowd.. fantastic for every occasion. 46 Lexington St, London W1F 0LW, UK

Dans - no reservations, a little on the funky side but what you'd expect from a proper east London wine bar.. think elite nibs (torres, perello olives)... also laughing at their wine categories "advanced skinsy, proper rose, natty white". 20 Dalston Ln, London E8 3AZ

10 Cases - the wine people's favourite place to goooo.. "Simple food that’s tasty and always something good to drink at a reasonable price What's not to like?". London WC2H 9BD

Passione Vino - go for one glass stay for a million.. type of place which offer you about 10 different sips before you need to commit.. very good vibes, in my view not serious old school classic Italian vino but more fun types - can confirm that the owner is a fun guy which makes the place fun - very lovely decent simple Italian food (lasagnes, proper charcuterie plate) and fun staff who have a bit of confident swagger. Absolutely lav it. 85 Leonard St, London EC2A 4QS

LAST UPDATE: JULY 2024

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