The Lazy Impressive Dinner Party Guide
Why do people go through the hassle and pain of hosting dinner parties? The textbook answer would be social connection, hospitality, and the generosity of welcoming guests into your home… building and strengthening relationships in an informal and intimate setting - blah, blah, blah.
My answer is different. I host dinner parties for me to have as much fun as possible in a setting where I can invite anyone I want with the hope that they go away thinking… "Damn, I am jealous because that person cooks sexy food and is an even sexier host." But as I have grown older and wiser, the unicorn place to be is getting them to leave thinking ‘well, that was an absolute touch’ while in reality, you have done the absolute bare minimum where effort, prep, and execution are concerned.
However, let’s be clear. Hosting a dinner party is a high-risk endeavour. A good one might get you a few brownie points, yes fine, but a bad one? The anecdotes have the potential to live on forever - Will is now known simply as “Post-Midnight” for bringing his rabbit cassoulet to the table well into the early hours of the morning, whilst poor old Georgie is known as “Vegetable Mush” or “Mushy” (which I think is very mean and obviously very wrong..)
The Hosting Timeline
Remember your first proper dinner party? Think back to 17 or 18-year-old you, or maybe it was second-year of uni. The time has come to play adult - but prior to any form of cooking intuition or basic kitchen nous. Tortellini cooked in kettle was the height of culinary sophistication.
For me, it was trying some fancy Ottolenghi lamb chop recipe..Off I went to buy the obscure ingredients which were listed ESSENTIAL: pomegranate molasses, sumac, cumin, za'atar…before religiously following the recipe to an absolute T: "Urgh, I can't make this.. Waitrose doesn’t not have any Urfa Biber..."
Or perhaps you were the other all-too-common ambitious first-timer who decided to make pasta from scratch (why, oh why?)..Cue three hours of YouTube tutorials, wasting money on a pasta machine (still in the box to this day) and the reward for all this hard labour? A gloopy doughy mess.. Being real, the nice driedpasta with in that blue packing would def have been better for your Bolognese.
I still have slight PTSD from a time when I tried to impress a girl and make Eggs Benedict - this would not be recommended if you have:
• Never tried poached an egg
• Never tried making hollandaise sauce
The net net of all of this fun and games results in every utensil and pan in sight now filthy, the kitchen looking like a crime scene and poor old you in a heightened state of stress. When the food finally arrives, people begin to feel genuinely sorry for you, and what ends up being served is beautifully average. Back to the drawing board.
The Lazy Impressive Dinner Party Guide 101s - Part 1
So, I present part 1 of the Lazy Impressive Dinner Party Guide. For savvy readers well-versed in food media, you’ll see this draws heavily from the likes of Diana Henry, Nigel Slater, and reads like a more opinionated second cousin of the queen that is Nigella.
Remember, I'm a home cook—no need to reinvent the wheel.
1. Large Ice Bucket in Visual Sight on arrival: Invest in something a bit showstopping. Much like a sofa, if you think of cost per use, it averages out to 20p per outing. Something a bit naff, branded and distracting is usually fun, a la Wayne Lineker Veuve vibe. Have this ready, and your guests will immediately think, "Oof, we’re in for something fun here."
2. Timing Over Food: 99% of people are there for the company and booze —not for what you’re knocking up in the kitchen. If you are cooking en place, make sure it’s one, max two dishes for those more confident.
3. No Frying Ever: Save tasty fried stuff for restaurant kitchens with proper deep fryers. Cooking in a shallow pan at home requires many batches and lots of effort with little flavour reward. It puts rule two at high risk, is smelly, and discarding used oil is a hassle. No, no, no.
4. Underpromise Big Time to Overdeliver: No matter how good your cooking ability, it’s ALWAYS a casual affair.
5. Max Six People: More than six is a party, not a dinner party.
6. Be positive about the food served (within reason): Important, regardless of how you think the dish turns out -be positive. Remember most people ain’t too bothered (rule 2) so confidence/artful bluffing is key. Always give credit to the recipe rather than claiming it as your own masterpiece, par example: “don’t mean to blow my own trumpet but wow I am really pleased with how that turned out”, “lordy I did not know a caponata could taste even better than the £30 quid one I had - blooming heck what a recipe that is”
7. Snacks on Arrival: Essential. Crisps, olives, nuts—low effort and pre-done. For a little je ne sais quoi, stick anything from the deli (mayo prawns, grilled Spanish peppers) in those nice little Swedish canapé vessels.
8. 80/20 Rule: 80% of the meal should be tried and tested, easy stuff – with a 20% surprise element to get guests talking. For example, serve a simple lemon and garlic roast chicken with homemade salsa verde, then surprise everyone with a cheeky walk to Five Guys for a large portion of fries. OR when making a shepherd's pie, use a piping bag for the mashed potatoes when layering it. It's such a simple touch but the texts you get the next day will be epic: "THE BEST DAY EVER."
9. DIY Elements: Adding interactive elements is always fun. Example: let guests make their own steak tartare with pre-prepared ingredients like finely chopped beef, capers, chopped cornichons, shallots, Dijon mustard, Worcestershire sauce, and other condiments. This can be done with cocktail garnishes e.g G&T etc.
10. Chef Tips: Have one cheffy trick up your sleeve that you can nonchalantly show off in the midst of cooking. For example, when using a chopping board, casually wet your tea towel in a slightly exhibitionist way and explain how it stops the board from slipping. V simple but people will nod your head thinking this guy gets it. I’m not bragging but I can also crack an egg with one hand. And the crowd goes wild.
you’re welcome xxx
Freddie
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