The What to Bring Alcohol Wise to a Dinner Party - A Guide - Volume 1: Red Wine Edition

Sep 18, 2024

I started writing this as a general guide on what alcohol to bring to a party, lunch, or dinner. However, as I got into the flow, I realised there are nuances aplenty and far far far too much to cover in one post - even I got bored reading it back. So, I've broken it down into more specific subdivisions. This is Volume 1: The Red Wine Edition.

I’ll share the others soon.

Muchos Gracias x x

Captain Freddie at your red wine service (lol)

THE BRIEF:

You've been invited to Sunday lunch - it's an exciting one. The host knows what they're doing - not quite trialling their MasterChef semi-finalist menu, but legit enough that you don't need any calories beforehand. Food will be served on time and effort will be made. They're a Francis Mallmann disciple, so expect the Big Green Egg or new Weber grill to definitely be on the cards. Almost a month ago, you were added to the "Sunday Lunch Deets" WhatsApp group that has now upped comms to thrice daily exchanges. The actual menu has not been revealed, but the host refers to the local butcher and fishmonger by their first names. Fuck yeah.

THE CAVEAT:

You don't know the other six guests and you've been told to "bring something to drink." Luckily, no one is teetotal, and everyone enjoys a glass of vino (cman!!). The host is definitely into it, however, you're unsure about the group's general level of culinary interest and sophistication. You’ve been in situations before where the crowd ain’t on the same page so you know you need to just that lil bit mindful.

GOALS:

Don't come across as an alcohol snob.. there's nothing more painfully dull than discussing wine minutiae with a non-vino audience. Yes, 2005 Bordeaux was delicious Fred, but remember that 99% of people don’t care about the intricacies of late flowering in the Right Bank vs Left Bank can change the vibes of your juice.. The objective is to bring something tasty that you’ll share it with others. Assume you'll get three glasses (max!) of what you brought, and the rest will go to the random crowd.

So, we're looking for something affordable and crowd-pleasing that will be opened early in the evening.. A ‘BBQ wine’ with recognisable enough grapes so your new pals can nod knowingly as they quaff (never any indigenous varietals plz).. And please note it is YOUR wine so can do whatever you like with it, if you wanna stick ice in it plz go ahead, down it from a pint glass, sip it from a Samba - there shall be no judgement here.

DISCLAIMER:

I love wine, but I'm not into memorising soil compositions or weather characteristics of old vintages. If I were to use a football analogy re wine, I’d say I'm like a proper fan who knows the squad of the team he supports inside and out - attends every home game (obvs) and makes it to a fair share of local and European away matches.

But beware - there is a level of fan (think England-San Marino travelling fan) a la wine expert cut above (I can already hear them getting angry reading this v article)… But I can say I’ve never been wrong is in conveying the pleasure that I get from a good bottle of wine - taste for me is key.

I def appreciate the classics (Barca, Real Madrid, Manchester United etc.) with their rich histories and traditions. But I also enjoy the new youngsters - the Wrexhams of the wine world, with big ambitions. The non suit-wearing, more natural wines brought to life by cooler, younger - and above all, sexy - winemakers.

WHERE TO PURCHASE:

Supermarket wines? Especially those from the Sainsbury tier and below (apologies to their wine buyers and English reps) are like the fast food of the wine world. Consistent, yes - but also typically mass-produced, soulless and deserving of a red card for making some people think they might not actually like juice. These wines are essentially fermented grape drink - churned out with the precision and predictability of a factory assembly line. To this, we say ‘Non, merci’.

This contrasts starkly with even the cheapest bottle from ya local caring wine shop.. It’s a diff category altogether which we are blessed to have available to us. Remember most of these small producers don't have the marketing budgets or consistent output to compete vs the big boys. They're too busy in the vineyard worrying about their grapes to attend. So, number one: build a relationship with Stevie/Craigy/Vanessa, the wine lads or ladettes at the vino shop. And whatever you buy, have a story ready for when Claire asks what you're drinking. Saying "it's from an all-female winery in the south of Corsica" is infinitely more flexy than admitting it was the cheapest bottle they had.

SIZE MATTERS (SORRY LADS)

If you bring something in a magnum, they'll like you twice as much - double magnum four times as much.. Salmanazar 6 times as much Nebuchadnezzar 15 times as much etc.

Size Sizematters GIFs | Tenor — Don’t we all hon

What I’d Bring: Red Wines for Any Dinner Party

I've described each wine in three words and thrown in a celebrity comparison for fun because yolo!

NOTE: If you’re looking for detailed deep dives into the grapes, regions, and wine history, there are plenty of great wine writers out there who can help (beyond the scope of this humble guide). But if you’re me, this is what I’d bring.